i'm third.

i'm really thankful for all phases of my life. i am really glad i learned lessons through happiness and sadness and love and loss. i can honestly say that in life i have never been as proud of myself as i am now. i have a good attitude, a great family, a love for Christ, and a perfect soon to be spouse. its true, i am basically bragging right now. but ya know what? i'm ok with that.

i have seen too many people live through a life of addictions. i have seen drug addictions that end in suicide, i have seen alcohol addictions that lead to being 32 and living with your parents with a dead end job and a lot of nights spent crying, and i have seen addictions to sadness. i know sadness seems like something you cant be addicted to, but honestly. i think you can. people seem to thrive on being sad sometimes. it gives them cause to hurt the people around them solely because they are happy. it allows them more reason to be sad when other people are sad. instead of going to the store to buy booze they are just signing onto facebook and crying over others success. when did society become so driven and focused on the negative parts of someone else's success? my friend got a job in LA. it was her dream job. and it was my dream for her to get it. i dont care that of course it was a job i would have loved to have. i care because it made her life. and at that moment, thats what she needed.

jeremy and i have been doing a couples devotional every night. it is really my absolute favorite part of my day even if its 5 minutes to 30 minutes of time. it is the most looked forward to time of the day. (and thats saying a lot, because i like to eat and lately we have been watching 24 which is awesome.) but anyways, last week we read this story about a pilot who during an air show something happened to his engine. as he was going down he basically realized that he could bail out of the plane and have it crash into houses or he could steer the plane to land in one large yard and it would hurt no one but kill himself. that man chose to land the plane in a safe zone and kill himself. later they found a note in his wallet that said "i'm third." that meant that God was first, others were second, and he was third. i was completely blown away and in awe of that mans attitude.

i want that attitude. i think that attitude is in complete correlation with my thoughts on sadness addiction. i think that when someone genuinely feels that they are third and they thrive on other peoples happiness and success then they in turn become happy and successful. i know that i have always had a great attitude and i do try to always put others first but until i read that story and really focused on the meaning of it did it become real to me. wanting something to happen for yourself doesnt come by complaining about nothing going my way. it comes when i realize that maybe its not my time for things to come my way because i am not ready for them. because maybe my attitude has let things pass me by. i refuse to let things pass me by.

these are just my rambling thoughts on how much of life is spent living through the world of others. and in some ways it is the best, like building someone up or being there for a friend. but in other ways, it is the exact opposite of the best. if you are putting yourself before others, then maybe that is where the sadness addiction really continues to grow.

sorry for the long post. sometimes i just like to write.

good day.